Comments on: Stop the shame and confusion http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/ Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:11:34 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: jolt http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-1344 jolt Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:27:19 +0000 http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-1344 Tina: I have 3 and 5 year old boys - if you have any ideas on HOW to teach them not to do this down the road, I'd sure love to hear them. Not that I think the boys would refuse to listen, I'm more worried about how best to get them to understand. Tina:
I have 3 and 5 year old boys – if you have any ideas on HOW to teach them not to do this down the road, I’d sure love to hear them. Not that I think the boys would refuse to listen, I’m more worried about how best to get them to understand.

]]> By: TinaH http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-1343 TinaH Mon, 30 Jul 2007 17:35:01 +0000 http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-1343 I have a 3 year old boy and, thanks to you and IBTP, I'm already plotting ways of teaching him about stopping harassment of girls and standing up to bullies. Thanks for sharing this. I have a 3 year old boy and, thanks to you and IBTP, I’m already plotting ways of teaching him about stopping harassment of girls and standing up to bullies.

Thanks for sharing this.

]]> By: jolt http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-714 jolt Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:34:10 +0000 http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-714 Kenzie: exactly. There is this foolish hope that one can rise above it, but one can't. And then there is the hope that maybe one can shape the physical touching by going the other way - allowing even more sexual contact with the sub-subconscious thought of controlling how one is touched. And that doesn't work either. And I'm not sure, that at that age, that one even realizes that one is being targeted based on some unconscious systematic anti-girl assault. I just assumed, as I'm sure many girls of that age would, that I was somehow at fault. Kenzie: exactly. There is this foolish hope that one can rise above it, but one can’t. And then there is the hope that maybe one can shape the physical touching by going the other way – allowing even more sexual contact with the sub-subconscious thought of controlling how one is touched. And that doesn’t work either.

And I’m not sure, that at that age, that one even realizes that one is being targeted based on some unconscious systematic anti-girl assault. I just assumed, as I’m sure many girls of that age would, that I was somehow at fault.

]]> By: Kenzie http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-709 Kenzie Tue, 12 Jun 2007 21:15:12 +0000 http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-709 You linked to my post, which is how I found you today. Your experience in school sounds pretty awful. You're very right, adolescent social sexuality really is a damned if you do and damned if you don't kind of scenario. And it's terrifying/frustrating/rage-inducing to make that realization... "You bastards would do what you're doing to me no matter what I do!" It's de-personing to realize that nothing you do, no way you can act, no words you can say can change the fact that you're female and therefore a lower life form deserving of ridicule and abuse in their eyes. I have absolutely no doubt that this is why there's such a lot of "I'm not *that* kind of girl" going on for young women. It's a way of trying to raise yourself up above the abused sex class, of making yourself safe from abuse. Of course, even that doesn't work, so eventually young women discover feminism. You linked to my post, which is how I found you today.

Your experience in school sounds pretty awful.

You’re very right, adolescent social sexuality really is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t kind of scenario. And it’s terrifying/frustrating/rage-inducing to make that realization… “You bastards would do what you’re doing to me no matter what I do!”

It’s de-personing to realize that nothing you do, no way you can act, no words you can say can change the fact that you’re female and therefore a lower life form deserving of ridicule and abuse in their eyes.

I have absolutely no doubt that this is why there’s such a lot of “I’m not *that* kind of girl” going on for young women. It’s a way of trying to raise yourself up above the abused sex class, of making yourself safe from abuse.

Of course, even that doesn’t work, so eventually young women discover feminism.

]]> By: vintagefan http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-698 vintagefan Tue, 12 Jun 2007 02:23:55 +0000 http://joltblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/stop-the-shame-and-confusion/#comment-698 "...And not just grabbing them, but doing so in a way that his finger snuck in between one’s legs. ..." All sounds familiar. Can't imagine going through that when you're eight years old though. “…And not just grabbing them, but doing so in a way that his finger snuck in between one’s legs. …”

All sounds familiar. Can’t imagine going through that when you’re eight years old though.

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