In addition to the procrastination I mentioned last week, I think my blog writing has been muffled.  So, in this navel-gazing post, I consider the various ways in which I am dissatisfied with what I’m doing here:

1) Cheese Deficiency: My cheese posts have dribbled off into ‘teh lame’ category despite the random substitution of other food posts.  As a result, I plan to cut back on them.  I’m simply not eating enough phenomenal cheese on a regular basis these days to say anything pithy and interesting on a weekly basis.

2) Delusions of privacy: I struggle with the need to support or start more substantive posts with very personal thoughts and/or experiences with the fear of putting too much out there.  I’m guessing this is something every writer battles with, but it feels weird when my more personal, particularly negative personal, stories generate spikes in hits.  Part of this is probably due to the fact that these are inevitably more interesting to people than the cheese posts or the Friday Five, but it also feels voyeuristic in some fashion.  I’m curious as to how bigger blogs deal with this issue, particularly those that seem to specialize in weaving intensely private, intimate experiences into their posts on broader subjects.

3) The writing habit: I started writing this blog to ensure that I would continue writing on a regular basis now that I am no longer actively working on a novel.  It worked at first, instead of jotting down plot points and character nuances into my little notebook, I was jotting down ideas for posts, but that hasn’t been happening lately and I’m not sure if it’s lack of discipline on my part or something else.

4) Self-Intimidation: This is where my stupid insecurities impact my voice.  I get ideas, I jot them down (since ideas rarely seem to pop up when I’m at the computer, unless I’m reading someone else whose stories remind me of something or other) then read something that appears to cover everything I wanted to say and probably 10 times funnier or sharper.  So, I don’t write.  I really, really need to get over this.  It’s part of the reason I didn’t follow mr. jolt into academia – what on earth would I write and attempt to publish about that hasn’t been said 500 times before?  It’s a stupid insecurity, but very effective in getting in my own way.

5) Intimidation by others: This blog is still tiny, so it hasn’t been a major issue. But.  I did have one reader who felt the need to track me down in a fashion, and who, oh so casually, let me know they had done it.  It pissed me off.  Was it meant as a casual warning – this friend can find you, so can others who might not be so friendly? (Although no such message was included).  Was it unconscious?  An uncontrollable urge to get an idea of who one is speaking to?  I’m not really sure what the etiquette is here.  Is it better to run someone’s ISP and file the info away mentally, or is better to run it and post the result in an email to said person so they know that you know?  Anyway, it definitely made me more self-conscious than I am already and aware that if I really pissed someone off they could figure things out.  Needless to say, this does not assist me in my efforts to break through my own writer roadblocks.

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