July 2009


For about the last, two weeks or so, I’ve had episodes of lightheadedness, ranging from mild to severe (about a week ago I literally wanted to lie down on the floor of my office my head was so woozy).  So I made an appointment with the doctor and unsurprisingly, they needed to run a bunch of tests before they can begin to figure out what the problem is* (not vertigo, I’ve had several friends with that & I don’t have spins, just woozy).  

So my doctor, who wasn’t going to be in for a few days immediately following the appointment earlier this week, told me to call in yesterday & get the results to see if anything was abnormal.  Most of the tests were normal (not pregnant – yippee!; no Lyme disease – yippee!).  The report came back that my blood sugar was abnormally low, but SO abnormally low they wanted me to do another blood draw because the number came up was not possible.  Technically, I should have been virtually COMATOSE at the level recorded and since I had, after all, driven to and from the appointment, they thought perhaps the test results were wrong.

So I had another blood draw this morning & I get to wait through the weekend for the results.  The phsyician’s assistant I spoke to when getting the results was, I have to say, rather blase’ about the whole thing.  Um, okay, you’re basically telling me its a miracle I’m upright, but we’ll retest & meanwhile go on with your bad self for a few days while we determine whether it was a lab problem with the last blood draw.

In the meantime, I figure it gives me carte blanche to lurch around all weekend with my arms out while moaning “I need chocolate.”  Gotta boost that blood sugar somehow.

* thank you decent health insurance.  I have become more & more aware of what a privilege this is over the last couple of years.

In recently reading a series of intensely personal posts on another blog (which I won’t link to b/c they are password protected) it occurred to me what courage and strength it takes to write, in detail, about an active personal problem: a problem one hasn’t yet found the solution for.  I’m not talking about the 3 sentence ‘can you believe what happened to me today’ post, but the in-depth, holy frijoles, this is what I’m going through and I don’t know how to get out of this spot type of piece.

Is it because we are conditioned by op-eds  and feature articles that not only complain, but provide solutions (at least the better ones do)?  Perhaps.  I think also we don’t want to admit when we feel like a failure, which is what the most complex problems, particularly those we have little control to fix, create in us.  And we don’t want to whine.  Well, maybe a little.  But we’re generally only going to whine in an amusingly snarky fashion that distances ourself from the problem and its causes. 

For instance, BB has a quasi-medical thing that has some pretty embarrassing side effects.  It’s fixable, but its taking a LONG LONG time to fix.  A week ago, there was a Positive Event that had BB, mr. jolt & I celebrating.   I was so hopeful that progress would move forward from there, but like many things that are medical/behavioral, it’s not that easy.  Yet that night, I imagined forward about the self-congratulatory blog post I would write, full of advice for parents dealing with the same issue and how we ‘overcame’ it.*  But I can’t write that post yet.   (not sure I ever will given privacy issues).  But I thought it was illuminating that something I’d never considered writing about (and until recently basically didn’t talk about) suddenly became a ‘writable’ subject once I thought success was within our grasp. 

I dunno.  Maybe its just me and my own inability to get out of my own way when trying to write.

*I now, of course, blame myself for ‘jinxing’ further progress for even thinking we were done.

Seen on a license plate on the way to work:

IGNRNT 1

Um, ok.  Not something I’d brag about, but to each their own.